Ang Bayan kong Kalalakhan. (A Preface for the Literary Folio, "Longos")

“Butchoy, lilipat na tayo sa Cavite, doon na tayo titira…”

Kainitan ng buwan ng Marso noon nang lumipat kami ng bahay mula Mandaluyong patungong Cavite. Galit na galit ako noon dahil ayaw kong lumipat pa kami ng bahay. Basta ayaw ko lang. Gusto kong doon na lang kami habang-buhay. At isa pa, natatakot kasi ako na iwanan ang mga bagay na kinasanayan ko na at ang mga taong naging bahagi na ng aking buhay.

Ang simbahan kung saan ako nag-sakristan; ang kaibigan kong si Dong na lagi kong kasama; ang bahay naming binabaha kapag tag-ulan; ang una kong pag-ibig; ang paborito kong ginataang bilo-bilo na luto ni Lola Dilay; ang kwarto ko; at higit sa lahat, iiwanan ko doon ang aking kabataan at yayabong na sa isang bayang hindi ko naman kilala.

Madalas akong lumuwas noon papuntang Mandaluyong upang bumisita at muli ay balikan ang aking pinanggalingan. Habang-daan, nakasakay sa bus at nagmumuni-muni, madalas kong mausisa ang mga bagay sa nagkalat sa paligid ko.

Ang mga batang naglalaro ng basketbol sa isang eskinita sa daang Niog malapit sa Pan de Manila; ang mga ale at mamang nagbebenta ng talaba, tahong at alimasag sa gilid ng kalye ng Longos; ang mga tila lumulutang na bahay sa tabing-dagat papuntang coastal road; ang mabahong amoy ng mga nabubulok na ewan kung isda at iba pang laman dagat, o mga basura; at ang kalawakan ng dagat na nagsisilbing pinto papasok at palabas ng bayan ng Cavite.

Ito ba ang bayang aking kalalakhan?

Lahat tayo ay dumaraan sa isang malaking pagpapasya na maaaring makapagpabuti o makapagpasama sa atin. Tulad na lamang ng pagdedesisyon kung papayag ba tayong isiwalat ang ating sarili at ibunyag ang ating saloobin at pagkatao sa pamamagitan ng pagsusulat (na mas natutunan kong paunlarin mula ng lumipat ako ng Cavite).

Nakita kong muli ang aking sarili sa iba't-ibang katha ng mga kapwa ko kabataang nagbigay ng kanilang sarili para sa literary folio na ito. Natutunan kong lahat tayo ay iisa at maaring ang mga naranasan mo at naranasan ko ay magkakatulad, hindi man sa oras at panahon, maaari namang sa galaw ng mga pangyayari at daloy ng sitwasyon.

Isang magandang alaala at pangako ng imortalidad ang nais naming ihain sa mga naging bahagi ng aklat na ito. Gayunpaman, naniniwala kami na maisasakatuparan lamang ang lahat ng ito kung kami ay tatangkilikin din ng mga mambabasa tulad ng pagtangkilik kina Dr. Efren R. Abueg, Alejandro Abadilla, Teo S. Baylen, Dr. Lorenzo Paredes at marami pang ibang nangaunang manunulat ng Cavite. Nais naming maging kabilang sa kanila at maipamahagi sa buong bansa at sa mundo at aming pagkatao.

Anim na taon na ang nakararaan mula ng lumipat kami sa Cavite. Nasunog na ang Imus Institute ngunit naitayo nang muli; humaba na ang aking buhok hanggang balikat ngunit nagpakalbo akong muli; makailang ulit na akong umawit at pumiyok ngunit hanggang ngayo'y umaawit pa rin; nasanay na akong magbiyahe at maglabas-masok sa Cavite ngunit bumabalik parin ako sa bago naming bahay, hindi dahil sa wala na akong pagpipilian, kundi dahil natutunan ko nang mahalin ang bago kong bayan.

Lalabas ako at daraan sa Longos (ang pinto patungong bayan ng Cavite) patungo sa aking pinaggalingan, ngunit ngayon ay tiyak na ang aking pagbabalik at pag-ani ng karunungan mula sa mayaman nitong kultura at panitik dahil alam kong sa bawat pag-alis ko sa aking bagong bayan, taglay ko rin ang bagong kaalaman na maaari kong ibahagi sa aking pinaggalingan at iba pang lugar na pupuntahan.

”Butchoy, punta tayong Mandaluyong, bisitahin natin ang mga tita mo…”

“Ma, sila na lang ang pabisitahin mo dito…”

The Best Meal Ever.

I had a date yesterday with my long lost ex-girlfriend. It has been a long time since I last saw her and it seemed like nothing has changed. She was still the same beautiful, smart and funny girl I fell in love with during our college days. It was funny how time fled so fast that after all these years, the feelings were still the same. Yeah, right, you might think it was funny and ridiculous, but to tell you the truth, even I was amazed. The moment I saw her walked by, the moment I smelled the same fragrance she wears every time, the moment I looked again into her eyes, wooahh, it was really astounding. Corny as it might seem, and I'm laughing out loud now, but really, I felt like I was walking in a road full of butterflies and flowers, I could smell the ocean breeze, the smell of fresh air straightly coming from the trees, like I wanted time to stop and just look at her beauty forever. hahaha! I know, I know, t'was funny, wasn't it? And you wouldn't believe I'm serious. Hmmm... It's fine.

Anyway, we ate at Frio Myx restaurant just near where she works. I ordered my all-time favorite seafood pesto spaghetti and she ordered her favorite carbonara, and mocha chino beside our plates. It was the best meal I've ever had for the week. My stomach felt contentment with the single carbo meal. Cool, right?

We talked about a lot of things. About everything that had happened to us while we were apart. I had fun, and I realized that there were so many things that I missed since the day we went on our separate ways. Yeah, I missed her, that was it. I wanted to be in her life again. I wanted, again, to be the man behind her every success, every failure, every decisions, happiness and sorrows. I wanted to be just near her. To be with her all the time. I wanted her again in my life.

I walked her home after the date. All the memories we had before started to flash back. It was sweet memories, sweet talks while walking along the cold night. Ahhhh..., I'm in love again, I think.

I received a message from her after our conversation, it must have been the question she forgot to ask me while we were busy reminiscing our past.

"Why didn't you love again...?"

Yes, it was true; I did not love again after we broke up. And the answer was easy.

I replied "Because it's always been you..."

I never know where it was heading me, or the two of us, but for now, one thing is for sure, someone opened my heart again, and I am happy to know that It was exactly the same girl I loved before. They said love is lovelier the second time around, well, I hope this time would be different. I didn't want to hurt her again. And I wouldn't let her go, this time.

Muni-Muni

Napadpad ang aking katauhan sa Baywalk. Umalis ako ng bahay upang magisip-isip, maglakad-lakad at magmuni-muni. Mula sa Cavite, sumakay ako ng tricycle, pumara ng bus, bumaba. Hindi ko namalayan bagamat gising ang aking diwa, nasa Maynila na pala ako.

Puno kasi ng mga katanungan ang aking isip. At tila naghahanap ito ng sagot sa aking mga katanungan sa buhay. Palubog na ang araw noon. Maraming tao. Kanya-kanyang galaw. Kanya-kanyang dahilan. Nilakad ko ang kahabaan ng Baywalk at sa bawat paghakbang ng aking tila walang kapagurang mga paa, iba't ibang tagpo sa buhay ko ang sumasagi sa aking gunita. At sa isang iglap, kahit paunti-unti, nabibigyan ng kasagutan ang bawat tanong.

Ngunit nga ba ako nag-iisa? Bakit nga ba ako naglalakad mag-isa? Bakit ako nagsosolo gayong hindi naman tipikal sa aking katauhan ang maging mapag-isa? Palagi akong may kasama, kakwentuhan at karamay.

Napaupo akong saglit sa may pampang. Nasaksihan ko ang paglubog ng haring araw. Napatungo ako at napaluha sa hindi ko rin malamang dahilan. Naisip kong kay sarap mabuhay. Alam kong may hihintayin akong bagong bukas.

Nagliwanag ang paligid sanhi ng mga ilaw. Makukulay at nagkikislapang mga ilaw. Lumikha ito ng sigla sa gabi. Umingay ang paligid. May isang buhay na umusbong matapos lumubog ang araw. Isa na namang panibagong pakikipagsapalaran.

Hindi ko namalayan ang mabilis na pagtakbo ng bawat sandali. Maghahating-gabi na. Nagpasya na akong umuwi. Kahit papaano'y maluwag na ang pakiramdam ko. Tila buo na muli ako...

Ngayon ay baon ko naman ang isang aral na aking natutunan at naging pilosopiya na ng aking buhay.

Masarap minsan ang mag-isa. Ang gawin ang nais saan man mapadpad. Masarap minsan ang lumayo sa buhay at sa problema upang mabigyan mo ng pagkakataon ang sarili mo na huminga. Lumayo ng malayong malayo. Hanapin ang mundo sa dako pa roon.

Sa iyong pagbabalik, may magaganap na pagbabago.

Call Center Ride to Life

I was never peaceful since I worked in the call center industry for 2 years now, I think. I was always wide awake, alert, and alive. I actually couldn't even recall what "sleep" really meant for a person ordinary like me.

Well, I guess, I was not just an ordinary guy. I got to sleep during daytime since I work at night, and I have my social life during daytime also since I have to take calls at night. It was really different. The only compensation that I have was that call centers really pay higher than the regular jobs out there. With that, I got to buy the things that I like. I could travel from time to time. I definitely could eat wherever and whatever I wanted during my rest days.

I mean, my life since I worked in the industry was never the same. I have my whole world reversed going after the time zone of the United States and all the other countries which needed my world class service.

I am so fed up, really. Yes, it is what I am feeling right now as I'm writing this crap. I wanted to quit, I wanted to find another job. I wanted to be as ordinary as I could be. I wanted my life back. Back where everything for me was just as easy as I thought it was.

But no, I know it was not. Life is really hard and even harder when you’re walking through it. I have this feeling that even If get to have the ordinary job that I have been looking for, I know, still, there would be a part of me who wouldn't be contented.

I mean, I knew that there were lots of things in this world that we could do, and I meant a lot! But we couldn't do it all in a lifetime. I guess we just need to do the things we need to do right now and just be ready for what would come the next day. Remember, even God needed to rest?

As for me, I knew that I wouldn't stay long at this industry because I believe my destiny lies elsewhere. And I need "some" funds for that destiny and I would get it from this industry. As for now, I have to live with my body clock reversed. Earn as much money as I could. (I mean, it’s better than going somewhere abroad right?) And just enjoy the life my work has been giving me. I have got to learn to look at the brighter side of life.

I have to be on the right track, and I know I am, and I always have been.

Two years or less from now, I’d be graduating from my master’s education. I would mark it as the start of the other life I always have wanted. With all the things I’ve been to, I mean, I’ve been to worst, what else in this world I cannot handle? I know that one day it’ll be over.

And I am going to make sure that when the time comes that I have to leave this “life”, the next day I’ll be on my bed, all clothes off, lights dimmed, pillows and bed sheets are all in their apt places, and I’d be sleeping for the next 24 hours… and maybe more.