"...sa may paanan Niya, nakita ko ang tayog at ningning ng aking mga pangarap. Tama, sa may paanan Niya, doon ako magsisimula..."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Alam ko na Kung Bakit di ako naging si Superman!

"...Wala nang pagkakataong baguhin ang nakaraan. Kapag nangyari na, tapos na. Ang magagawa nalang natin ay ang magpatuloy at salubungin ang mga darating pang bukas. *sabay drama oh!...



Tuwing tinatamad akong kumilos para mag-trabaho, o kaya’y para mag-aral, o kaya’y gawin ang kahit ano pa mang bagay na kinatatamaran kong gawin, palagi kong iniisip na sana ako na lang si Superman. Mabilis kumilos, madaling makapunta kahit saan niya gustuhin sa isang kisap-mata lang. Walang imposibleng bagay para sa kanya.


Palagi kong iniisip na sana lumaki na lang ako katulad ni Clark Kent. Bata palang may super power na. Ang sarap siguro ng pakiramdam na kapag may ginusto kang isang bagay, nakukuha mo ito kaagad. Ang sarap sigurong kapag may natitipuhan kang babae, isang tingin lang ala superman, huli mo na agad ang puso ng iyong minamahal. Hehehe. Mga pangarap kong walang katuturan. Pero kahit ganun, alam kong kahit sino, nagnanais ng ganoong buhay, yung tipo bang sa isang kindat, isang kibot, isang ngiti, sa isang iglap, nasa kamay mo na ang lahat ng gusto mong mapa-sa iyo. Astig diba?


Minsan nga nangangarap akong sana isa na lang akong nilalang mula sa planetang Krypton. Sana naging kapalaran ko na lang ang ipadala sa mundo ng mga magulang ko para iligtas ito sa lahat ng kasamaan. Sana isang araw, madiskubre ko din ang kapangyarihang katutubo sa isang kryptonian na tulad ko. Masarap din sigurong lumipad. Ang lumibot sa buong mundo ng walang iniisip na pamasahe, bagahe, pagkain, hotel and accommodation, pati tour guide di mo na iisipin. Babalik ka na lang kung kailan mo gustuhin. Galing no? hehehe.


Nakuha ko lang ang lahat ng ito sa panonood ko ng Smallville, starring Tom Welling as Clark Kent. Wala eh, the best talaga ang TV series na yun. Umaga pa lang sabog na ang DVD player ko dahil maghapon kong panonoorin at kung minsan ay uulit-ulitin ang mga episodes nito. Pagkatapos kong manood, pakiramdam ko kayang-kaya ko nang gawin ang lahat ng ginagawa ni Clark. Ang iligtas ang mga tao sa mga meteor freak na walang alam gawin kundi ang maghasik ng kasamaan; ang tumakbo ng sampung milyong kilometro bawat segundo para puntahan si Lana Lang o Lois Lane kapag kailangan nila ng tulong, o kahit sino pa mang inaabuso ng masasama; ang magpa-cute sa mga chicks na patay na patay sa akin; ang matulog sa himpapawid kapag walang magawa.


Minsan nga kapag nakakakita ako ng mga ilaw na kulay green, o mga bagay na berde ang kulay tulad ng ding-ding, halaman, batong may lumot, pakiramdam ko nanglalambot ako ng husto, pakiramdam ko mga kryptonite ito na papatay sa akin. Ang superhero man ay may kahinaan din. *tawa…


Yan ang epekto sa akin ng panonood ko ng Smallville at iba pang mga action series tulad ng Kyle XY, Justice League, Heroes, Spiderman, at marami pang iba. Masarap din kasing minsan, lumayo sa tunay na daigdig at mangarap na sana isa ka na lang super hero. Marami kang matutulungan, marami kang magagawa na lampas lampasan sa kakayahan ng isang ordinaryong tao. Higit pa dito, maraming pagkakataon na mas magugustuhan ka ng tao dahil sa kabutihang pinamamalas mo kumpara sa pagiging isang ordinaryong nilalang. Diba yun naman talaga ang gusto nating lahat? Ang makatulong, ang matanggap ng lahat ng tao at magawa ang kahit na pinakamabigat ng bagay sa buong mundo. Astig talaga yun diba?


Isa sa mga pinaka-paborito kong episode ng Smallville na tumatak talaga sa akin ay yung pagkamatay ng tatay ni Clark. (di ko na maalala yung title ng episode basta yun na yun.) Anyway, ang nangyari, si Clark Kent, ipinagtapat na niya Kay Lana Lang (ang girlfriend niya for so many years bago nya ma-meet si Lois Lane) ang tunay niyang pagkatao, mula sa pagkakarooon niya ng fantastic na kapangyarihan, hanggang sa pagiging katutubo niya sa Planetang Krypton. Matagal na talaga niyang gusto sabihin yun kay Lana pero pinangunahan siya ng takot na baka hindi siya matanggap nito, pero kabaligtaran ang nangyari, natanggap lahat iyon ni Lana at nagpasya silang magpakasal pagkatapos. Pero ang nangyari, si Lana ay masyadong naging psychologically affected sa responsibilidad niyang itago ang malaking sikreto ng kanyang mahal kaya sa isang di inaasahang pagkakataon, naaksidente ito habang nagmamaneho. Sumabog ang sinasakyan nitong kotse.


Di ko malilimutan ang pag-iyak ni Clark nung episode na yun, apektadong-apektado ako. At oo, aaminin ko, umiyak ako. *tawa.


Sa pagkadesperado ni Clark, hiniling niya na sana mapihit niya pabalik ang oras para baguhin ang lahat-lahat. Mahirap ipaliwanag sa simpleng pagsulat kung bakit nangyaring bumalik ang panahon at nagawa niyang baguhin ang lahat-lahat ng pangyayari. Binigyan siya ng isang pagkakataon para ulitin ang nakaraan. Isang pagkakataon lang. Alam na niya sa bahaging iyon na ang katotohanang hinihiling ni Lana mula sa kanya, buhay ang magiging kapalit. Nabuhay ulit si Lana sa kwento, pero dahil nga sa hindi maaring ipagtapat ni Clark ang lahat, nagpasya itong makipaghiwalay na lang kahit gaano man kasakit.


Ang twist ng istorya, sa katapusan, isang buhay muli ang nawala at iyon ay ang buhay ng kanyang tatay. Inatake ito sa puso dahilan narin sa pagprotekta nito sa sikreto ng kanilang pamilya.


Syempre dahil sa isang pagkakataon lang ang binigay kay Clark, hindi na niya naibalik ulit ang nakaraan. Isa iyong malaking desisyon sa buhay ni Clark para pumili kung sino ba sa mga taong mahal niya ang pinaka-importante.


Isang bagay lang din ang tumatak sa utak ko, bawat gawin natin sa mundong ito ay may kalakip na responsibilidad. Bawat desisyong gagawin natin ay may kapalit na suliranin at ang mahirap dun, wala na tayong pagkakataong maibalik pa ang mga lumipas na. Wala nang pagkakataong baguhin ang nakaraan. Kapag nangyari na, tapos na. Ang magagawa nalang natin ay ang magpatuloy at salubungin ang mga darating pang bukas. *sabay drama oh!


Pero wala nang makakapagpabago pa sa pangarap kong maging superhero ala Superman. Pangarap lang naman yun eh, tatayugan ko na! Wala namang masama.


Saka alam ko na din kung bakit di ako pinili ng Diyos na maging si Superman. Alam Niya na kapag nangyari yun, di ko masyadong gagamitin yun para sa kapakanan ng lahat. Alam ko din sa sarili ko na totoo yun. Sa panahon ngayon, mas uunahin ko syempre ang sarili ko, pamilya ko, mga kaibigan ko, bago ang ibang tao. Di ako karapat-dapat sa ganoong kalaking responsibilidad. Si Clark Kent o Superman at yung mga iba pang superhero ay mga espesyal na tao. Tao sila, pero sila yung tipong malakas pa sa sinag ng araw ang paninindigan at determinasyon. Matapang pa sa hukbong sandatahan ng kahit anong bansa at higit sa lahat, bayani silang nabubuhay sa matatag na prinsipyo at integridad. At wala nang taong ganun sa mundo kaya wala ni isa man sa atin ang pwedeng maging superhero.


Kaya nga hanggang ngayon naniniwala akong hanggang TV series na lang at cartoons mananatiling buhay ang mga superheroes. Hindi sila magkakatotoo kahit kailan sa persona ng isang ordinaryong tao. Malabong mangyari yun. Salamat na lang sa mga lumikha sa kanila, kahit papano, naiisip kong tumulong sa nangangailangan at kinakawawa kahit sa pinaka-simpleng paraang kaya ko. TIngin ko mas astig yun sa lahat!


Monday, July 7, 2008

I don't want to have a baby yet!

Everyone was expecting me to have a baby!

Would it be too harsh for me to tell them that at this point in time,

It was too much of a burden for me.

Financially, I'm not that stable.

I don't even have a girlfriend.

And besides, I'm still young.

Young, youthful, naive.

Highly motivated by my dreams.

I'm focused.

I don't want to have a baby yet.

I don't want to have a baby yet.

Hell, no!

Not unless I'm provoked! hehehe.

Yeeehaaaw!

*sigh...

Monday, June 23, 2008

Ulan, ulan, hulugan mo ako ng Alaxan.

Be careful with what you wish for.

I was talking to my officemate Ma. Elvira Sacro (Matet for short) one Friday evening while waiting for work to occupy us when I told her that I wish I’d be sick on a Sunday so I will have an excuse not to go to work. I really wanted to have a free time so I can go to the mall and watch movie, or maybe to have a full body massage at Bioessence, or maybe just to window shop around. You know, my favorite past time is to walk around the mall and watch people walk and talk and do what they do while I just stare at them thinking nothing. Weird, right? I don’t know why I can’t find time to do it during my regular rest days. I just don’t know why. And so, that same night, I felt something is wrong with my nose, I kept on sneezing, and then suddenly I realized I have a runny nose. Somehow, I managed not to pay attention to it since I’m too busy with my work.


Then the storm came in.

When I got home from work, I know I really am not feeling so well, but as what I usually do, I opened my laptop, try to catch up with what’s happening on line. I checked my mails, updated my blog and chat with some online friends. After doing my thing, I prepared my DVD to watch Kyle XY the series (damn, I’m done with One Tree Hill and Smallville and I can’t find their latest series!). Then it started to rain hard. I didn’t even know that there’s a storm during that day. All I care about was to have enough sleep so I can go to work the next day.


Brownout all over

Just so before I sleep, I notice the old shoe box I’m keeping since forever, the box as far as I can remember, was given to me by my childhood sweetheart during I guess my birthday or Christmas, I couldn’t exactly remember what occasion, but since then, I kept it and there I store all the letters, postcards, and notes given to me by some special people in my life. I keep my literary works there also and speaking of which, while harking back in to the memories of my childhood days, I saw the first love poem I ever wrote for the girl I first admire. Funny. I realized how corny a child in love could be. Now, let me show you how I wrote it:


A Promise

I wonder why it could never be me

Even though I love you but you won’t let me in

I wonder why you can never be mine

Even though I love you, I guess my love is on the line

I wish that you could love me the way that I do

And I hope that someday, it would be me and you

Forever I’ll wait and as long as I live

Until the sun don’t shine, until my last breath

I know it’s not today, not even tomorrow

But the promise of waiting would still be in my shadow

Till the last drop of my tears, till the last beat of my heart

I promise to wait for you, even though we’re apart.


Hahahaha. Lol. Can you imagine how serious I was while writing this? It’s really funny! Well, honestly, I still can remember the feeling, really. It’s like heaven. Just like heaven. Pure, sincere, honest, truthful, clean, and believe me, I wish I know how to write that way again. Being in love like a child I think, is the sincerest kind of love. I know you agree, just for once please. And then I notice I kinda lost track of time and while browsing through my things, the lights suddenly went off. I decided to just leave everything behind my drawer again and get back to it as soon as the light comes back. I prepared to catch some sleep and hoping that the brownout will soon be over.


The Influenza, bow.

Right in the middle of my sleep, it was around 2 in the afternoon, (take note that I work in a call center, so we follow the US standard time, Eastern Time to be exact.) I woke up freezing and chilling. I thought it was just because of the rainy weather but I guess I was wrong. I felt the sudden pain stroke right through my head. It was really a painful headache (tell me it's redundant!). I tried to stand up but then my body can’t move. I was literally crying in pain because I know I have to do something to heal myself so I can go to work. Well, guess what happened next? I ended up calling our attendance hotline to inform them I can’t report to work. I felt relieved. For the first time after working in the company, I used my sick leave. And so, what I wished for came true. I got sick on a Sunday. Bad thing about it, I wasn’t able to go to the mall because it’s raining, and my body felt so weak, too bad I had to stay in bed the whole day. I should really be careful with what I wish for.


Let there be light.

Yeah right, two days of darkness and I was sick all along. I can imagine how harder it is for those who doesn’t even have a shelter to comfort them. It took time for Meralco to fix the faulty wiring that exploded during the storm. I don’t want to blame them so I guess all I can do is just to be thankful and gratified that we surpassed another storm just as easy as the others that passed.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ang Kangkong.

In about 2 hours, I’ll be leaving my laptop again and go to work to make money under the freaking roof of my boring office. I wonder how I managed to keep my life going like this forever. Honestly, all these years I’ve been thinking of leaving my job and finding another one which is suited to my educational background. Oh, forgive me. Here I go again, another outmoded crap is trying to burst out of my head, all for the same old reason, I am rigidly bored; with the job I’m burdened, with the lifestyle I’m living, with the night schedule I learned to adapt, and so bored to tears by just watching it all happen to me.


I feel unfulfilled. I feel that all the “fudging” plans that I made before graduating from college was all taken for granted. I’m stagnant. I can’t feel the growth I wanted to achieve at least before I turn 25. And I’m 22 years old now. Time flutters so fast but I think my personal and career growth is sluggish. And now I know I have to do something about it, or else, I would have to deal with my Plan B, which is, apparently, to create another life strategy plan.


I’m conscious enough that success cannot be achieved in a snap of a finger. I am very aware that it takes time to get what we desire, especially if you’re just starting to work on it. We cannot push our luck without thinking what might be the risks involved in the circumstances. We cannot just blatantly go over on something we think is right without scrutinizing the result that may come subsequent to our act.


And oh, yes, I know all these facts and this grief might not make any sense to you, and the hell I care! What I’m just trying to say is that I need to make all my plans happen the exact way I want it to take place. I won’t care if you’ll think I’m way too ambitious and pathetic to be saying all these but really, I have to make it all real.

I’m doing my best to accomplish the things I want to achieve. In 3 years time (following my life strategy Plan A), I need to have a positive result. I need to work harder. I know I did my best, but I guess, my best really wasn’t good enough. (Hmmm, that last line sounds familiar, I wonder how.)


So now, I have to go work. Deal with the flow of my boring occupation, and find ways on how to make things happen the way they should.