I will never stop until I find my self

I thought my world was big enough...
but I guess I was wrong!

I thought the crowd I have was good enough
to show me
how the real world works,

but it wasn't...

I guess I'm running late,
at least that's what they said,
but I hope I didn't miss a lot...

I really hope I didn't...

I got stuck in a dimension where I thought everything was working just normally fine;

where my life was just as common as everyone else;

where exploring life means going beyond my restrictions;

and where going out of my standard circles would mean stupidity.

For the longest time, I have deprived myself of seeing the world in a different view, in a different angle, in a different perspective, in a different direction.

And because of it, I got caught in a very small, eccentric, peculiar situation where I am right now.

Sluggish.
not ignorant nor innocent;
not childish nor childlike,
just in between,
always isolating...

And I want to see the world now,
no matter how shallow it claims to be...

It's better late than never, isn't it?

Absenteeism ala Bien

Dati rati, kahit ano pang nararamdaman kong sakit, ayun at papasok parin ako sa trabaho. Ubo, sipon, kahit 40 degrees na ang lagnat ko, kahit namamalat pa ang lalamunan ko, di ako magdadalawang isip na pumasok sa trabaho. Kahit pa sabihing sobrang tinatamad na ako pumasok at puro reklamo na lang ako sa trabaho ko, in the end, papasok pa rin ako. Pero ngayong buwan na ito, kakaiba. Talagang kakaiba dahil eto ngayon, inuubo at sinisipon ako na di ko alam kung nilalagnat ba o ano, pero sinasabi ng isip ko na wag na ako pumasok at magpaggaling na lang sa bahay.

Ngayon buwan na ito, Nobyembre, naitala ang pinakamaraming absences ko simula ng magtrabaho ako. Tatlo. November 1, November 2, at ngayon, November 25, 2008. Habang sinusulat ko ang blog na ito, maniwala ka sa hindi pero kusang tumutulo ang sipon ko. Malabnaw, ang kati kati ng ilong ko at ang sakit ng baga ko. Sinasabayan pa ng walang humpay na pag bahing. Siguro dahil na din ito sa walang sawa kong kaka-yosi at palagiang pagpupuyat. Tinitignan ko nga ang mata ko ngayon sa salamin, ayun at namumula na. Sumasakit lalo ang ulo ko.

Sabi ko bahala na lang. Eh anong magagawa ko eh may sakit ako ngayon. Although nagi-guilty ako, as always, kapag umaabsent ako, o kahit late ako, siguro sa pagkakataong ito, kailangan ngang pabayaan ko na lang. Buti sana kung ang nature ng trabaho ko ay di kailangan ng boses at mahusay na pakikipag-komunikasyon. Eh hindi eh. Wala rin akong silbi kung papasok man ako. (*tulo sipon…)

In a few weeks, I’m filing for resignation na. Ayoko naman isipin nila na dahil sa mag reresign na ako kaya ako nagiging pala-absent. Wala naman ako maipakitang medical certificate. Eh totoo naman wala eh. Pero it doesn’t mean na wala akong sakit. Kailangan ko pa bang pumunta sa ospital para lang sa simpleng LBM at runny nose? Pero as always, it is company policy, kailangan may medcert kung aabsent, so paano yan? Sige ita-try kong magpunta sa doctor bukas para makakuha non. Pero ang hirap eh. Pano ko sasabihin sa doctor yun? “…dok, may ubo at sipon ako kagabi, pero ngayon wala na dahil nakainom na ko ng biogesic, pede ba makahingi ng medcert dyan?...”; or “…dok, nagtatae ako kahapon, pero I’m ok na ngayon. Pede bang magpa medcert sa’yo? Pakisabi lang may LBM ako kahapon… thanks…”

Parang ang hirap diba? Di naman kasi yun sakit na kailangang magpa-ospital ka eh. Yun yung sakit na tipong ngayon meron ka, inuman mo lang ng gamot at itulog, bukas wala na. I guess that’s one of the reasons why we’re entitled of sick leaves. Para sa mga pagkakataong ganito. Pero siguro akala nung iba, sick leaves are for “sick” people talaga, na as in, kailangan may cancer ka, or tumor sa bibig, or ma-comatose ka muna bago mo magamit. It’s funny, but it’s true. Kaya minsan nakakaasar. Amf.

Anyway, ayan, tumutulo na naman ang sipon ko. Nagpabili na ako ng biogesic sa kapatid ko. Sana makapasok na ako bukas. I hope, I hope. I’m gonna try to sleep na rin, sana lang makatulog ako ng maayos nito. Barado at makati ang ilong. I’ll leave it to God and Biogesic. Salamat na lang sa musika ni Gavin De Graw, Daniel Beddingfield, James Morrison at James Blunt, at least napapayapa ang utak ko kahit papaano.

Hanggang sa muli… ;-)

Pamamaalam

…mananatiling buhay ang pangarap
saan man ako dalhin ng pagod at hirap.
sa bawat butil ng pag-asa
magsisilbing lakas ang kanyang ngiti..
lilisan ako sa bawat pagpatak ng ulan
at magbabalik dala ang sinag ng araw
panibagong yugto, panibagong buhay
sasakay ako sa kanyang alapaap...
mula dito, sa kanyang paanan
magsisimula akong lumakad
magsisimula akong lumakad,
hahakbang papalayo sa mundo
Isang pamamaalam sa mga nakasama
isang pagbati ng maligayang paglalayag
sapagkat bukas, bukas na bukas din,
babalik na ako, SA KANYA...

Another Nothing...

This is what you're supposed to do...and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun!
Just give in. Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new e-mail.
Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you.

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It is fun and easy.

1. First name? Bienvenido

2. Were you named after anyone? Do I have a choice, I'm a junior...

3. Do you wish on stars? Not really,

4. When did you last cry? It's been a long time, I can't even remember when.

5. Do you like your handwriting? Well, yes.

6. What is your favorite lunch meal? Nothing in particular, I eat anything.
7. When is your birth date? July 26, 1985

8. What is your most embarrassing CD? I don’t know what u mean

10. Do you have a journal? Yeah, I have.

11. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Haha, to those people I don’t really like.

12. What are your nicknames? Bien, Bienthoughts, Whisik

13. Would you bungee jump? Oh yes,

14. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope, it doesn’t have a string.

15. Do you think that you are strong? Oh yes, stronger.

16. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? It doesn’t matter.

17. Shoe Size? 9 1/2

18. Red or pink? Red and Green

19. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My belly. Hahaha.

20. What do you miss most? Nothing, I’m practically cool with what I have right now.
21 Do you want everyone you send this to, send it back? Not really, it’s up to them.

22. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? For Shoes, black, for Pants, just jeans.

23. Are you listening to your favorite music right now? The First Time I ever Saw your Face- Leona Lewis

24. What was the last thing you ate? Choco Shake made by my momma/

25. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Absolute Green

26. What is the weather like right now? It’s raining.

27. Last person you talked to on the phone? My Bro.

28. The first thing you notice about the same sex? The clothes he wears.

29. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Need I say more, Glentot?

30. Favorite Drink? Coke

31. Favorite Sport? Chess, Basketball,

32. Favorite Color? Green baby.

33. Eye Color? Black

34. Do you wear contacts? Nahh..

35. Favorite Food? I am omnivore, I eat everything edible.

36. Last Movie You Watched? Tropic Thunder

38. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Scary Movies

39. Summer or winter? Oh winter snow is falling down…

40. Hugs OR Kisses? Kisses

41. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? I like Ice cream or Cake.

42. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? I don’t know

43. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Waah, I won’t mention name.

44. What Books Are You Reading? Devils Dominion by Anthony Masters

45. What's On Your Mouse Pad? My mouse

46. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Sweet Home Alabama

47. Favorite Smells? Popcorn, My Perfume, newly washed clothes.

48. Favorite Sounds? Right now, I am in love with Leona Lewis and Jennifer Hudson.

49. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles

50. Who sent this to you? Si Glentot

Pay Slip Never Dies

While harking back into my old stuff, I found something that made me realize how lucky was I to have what I have right now. It was funny because I hardly scan my old things for I didn’t have much time to look at them one by one, but this time, I managed to examine each one of them, and it made me go back to my old, happy, blithe, worry-free days. How I love to bring back the memories of my youth.

Anyway, I was talking about my very first pay slip. I got it when I was working as a student assistant at our community college, my beloved alma mater, Imus Institute. I worked in a high school library at Dimasalang Campus. I remembered, it was from 9:00am-1:00pm, just before my classes started. And yes, my first salary was a whopping P675.00; it would be my allowance for two weeks, or less.

I remember I was not the type of student who would really care if I have money in my pocket. Money was never my problem because I could go to school without it. I used to bring my own food at school; I didn’t really spend if it was not necessary, and all my books were photocopied. And it went on until I finished my Bachelor’s Degree.

I was not trying to enthuse you, nor make you believe I was an angel, wahahaha, no, no, really, I was just reminiscing my crazy college life, because during that time also, I realized how well I managed to deprive myself of something that I wanted to have, like having a presentable cell phone, or eating chicken joy at Jollibee, playing computer games, renting computer to surf the net, partying, and the like. Before, I’d choose to just stay home and watch TV instead of going out with friends for I know it'd cost me lots of money to have fun, eat out and drink beer. I would prefer to use old school supplies instead of buying a new one though my dad would give me enough budget to spend for it. And yes, believe me or not, I was that frugal.

But it didn't matter now; I learned that it was really practical nowadays to save money for our future needs, it was really important to know our priorities so we could budget wisely. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to divest ourselves of something that we wish we have if we know we can buy it. After all, it was just money and that was its purpose.

I was not really sure if this makes sense to you but I just hope you get what I mean. We live everyday with the possibilities of dying and death always happens in an abrupt manner. And what will you do with the money that you kept? Of course, you’d say, you'd give it to your loved ones, and that is very kind of you, but come on, while you’re here and while you have all the chance in the world to make the most out of what you have, I’d say you better use it wisely. It was never a sin to spend something for yourself especially if you know you need it. It was never a crime to treat yourself for something that would indulge and pamper your soul. Come on, I can feel now you know what I’m trying to entail, *wink.

And so, now that I have a real job, and sure I have been earning way more than P675.00, I try to make it a point to at least have an unwinding moment with myself every once in a while. I do go out with friends now and drink beer, maybe a bottle or two, or sometimes I watch movie with them, or I window shop at the mall alone. I was not a partygoer but sometimes I go out with friends just to mingle. And oh, hell, yes, I pig out, big time! *laughs.

Nevertheless, one thing that I would never forget was to save a part of what I’m earning. In spite of everything, I still believe in the power of saving money, because like death, you would ever know when emergency would take place.

Bulletin.

This is just nothing. Kung minsan kasi, naaadik din akong sagutan ang mga questions na ganito. Pampalipas oras, pampalubag loob sa nakakatamad na tanghali, at kung minsan, sige, oo na, para may ma post lang sa friendster, multiply, facebook, myspace at blogspot. O diba may silbi rin kahit papano?

Pero sya, sige, minsan, nakakatuwa ring malaman na may sense din naman kahit papano ang mga tanong sa mga kumakalat na survey questions na ito. Akala mo lang simpleng katanungan, pero bigla mo na lang mare-realize na galing na pala sa personal mong buhay ang mga sinasagot mo. Then you'll end up answering more, and more, then na hook ka na pala, tulad ko. hahaha..

Sige try mo na lang basahin para malaman mo ibig kong sabihin...

(Nakuha ko itong questions na ito sa bulletin sa friendster)

1. What do u think is the reason why people lie?

.

♥ it's a defense mechanism.

.

2. Have u ever said, you'll never love again?

.

♥ Nope, you overheard me, I said I will never love the same person again... wahahaha. bitter lang?

.

3. Is there anything bothering you right now?

♥ just how to compute this math problems, other than that, there's none.

.

4. Is there something you wanna let go of?

♥ smoking maybe.yeah, just it.

.

5. Do the old songs you had in your past really remind u of the memories?

♥ well, yes. it brings back the memories.

.

6. How important is "trust"?

♥ It's very important. I guess without it, it'll never, ever, work out.

.

7. Do you believe in soulmates?

♥ help me believe it's true.

.

8. How do you learn to forget your problem?

♥ I just walk. Go wherever my feet take me. Then eat, shop, and sleep. It's effective, really.

.

9. Is crying a sign of weakness?

♥ I don't think so. It's the same as laughing, you show your emotion, I don't see any difference...

.

10. Why do u answer surveys?

♥ for world peace. answering surveys really help promote world peace. believe me, try it.

.

11. Do you always regret?

♥ sometimes, but not always. I'm just human.

.

12. What is ur current ringtone?

♥ Nokia Default ringtone.

.

13. Do you believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

♥ no, it makes the heart wander and wonder.

.

14. Do you believe that you have a

guardian angel?

♥ I wish to see him/her.

.

15. What will u do if you're stuck in the elevator with someone you don't know?

♥ it depends upon how she looks and how she would react. waaaaaaaah!

.

16. Have you ever wanted something but you cant have it?

.

♥ Hypocrisy aside, yes!

.

17. Have you ever said 'i love you' but you lied?

.

♥ oh no. I may be a bad guy, but I never say THE WORD if I don't mean it. trust me.

.

18. Would you ever want to go back in the past?

♥ back to Einstein, Galileo, Shakespeare, Socrates and all the other geniuses' era? sure, I wanna go back in the past.

.

19.Do you really wanna please everybody?

♥ just the people I care most about.

.

20. Is waiting forever okay?

♥ I'm sure I'm not gonna live forever.

.

21. Right now, where do you wanna be?

♥ outerspace, maybe mars or venus.

.

22. When is enough is enough?

♥ when you think it's enough, then it's enough. don't be complicated babe.

.

23. What are you so sick and tired of?

♥ I'm getting over it.

.

24. What made you smile today?

♥ I got my driver's license already.

.

25. Is looking good important?

♥ don't you wanna look good? of curse it is...

.

26. Do u listen to love songs when your down?

♥ yes, yes, it helps me unwind.

.

27. What are you thankful for?

♥ I'm yet to count my blessings. I know it's a lot..

.

28. Do you believe that love is lovelier the second time around?

♥ yes, if the feeling's still the same, I guess it'll be lovelier.

.

29. Do you believe in forever?

♥ yes. for better or worst, till death do us part...

.

30. What are your plans for the weekend?

♥ stay home.

.

31. Do you believe that married couples should still go out on a date?

♥ yes. just like mah mamma and dadda.

.

32. Do you want to go out of the country?

♥ hmmm, im thinking about it...

.

33. For now, what is the one thing that you want so bad?

♥ I'm yet to check. I don't know eh.. hahaha...

Oh diba? Ewan kung naintindihan mo yung naramdaman ko habang sinasagutan ko ito, or baka nga lang di mo lang ito hilig. But in any case, again, you can always try this. Wala naman makakaalam eh, ikaw lang... hehehe. Uy, ta-try nya.. sige good luck.. ;-)